In writing a letter to a friend trying to explain how I get through each day, this is a little piece of what came out; and I felt led to share it, just in case there is someone else out there who needs to know or needs to hear this:
When I was 12, I was led to ask Jesus into my heart to be my personal Lord and Savior. From that moment, my whole life changed. I dove into the Bible like a sponge, soaking up everything I could find that was relevant to my life and all I had been through. I remember very clearly coming across Romans 8 where it talks about the things we go through in life that are difficult, but in verse 37 it says that we are “more than conquerors through Him who loved us”. I also reflected on verses like Philipians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” and John 16:33 where Jesus says “in this world you may have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world”. Even as a victim of sexual abuse, God opened me up to a new approach at looking at my life. I did not have to stay a victim. I decided that I was not going to allow my circumstances to determine my attitude and who I would become. At 12 years old, I knew that Christ died for me to give me life and every good thing I could imagine. I refused to feel sorry for myself and determined to keep a positive perspective on everything that would ever come my way. I think often of David who was only a boy, yet ran full on at a giant (Goliath) and he was unafraid because, all along, he saw the giant from God’s perspective. That giant was no match for the God on David’s side and David knew that God would give him victory. I guess that is how I have walked through my life- trying to see everything from God’s perspective. My situation and circumstances may not always be what I want or what I feel is fair, but I will not allow any of it to steal my joy. In my eyes, if I allow things to get me down or depressed, I have lost. I refuse to lose. I am not saying that I never have weak moments, or that I have not screamed at God in anger – I definitely have. But God knows my heart. I can be real with Him. I can tell him everything about how I am feeling, what I am angry and upset about. And in those moments, He swoops right in to comfort me and give me peace. I tell Him that I don’t understand and I don’t see how any of this could ever work out for good – but I will still trust Him. I will not turn my back on Him, because if I do, I will lose everything that gives me peace. If I will just seek him with all of my heart, He reveals Himself to me every time. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I trust that God holds my life in His hands. He knows what is coming and he wants good for me. I choose to receive that. I believe that words have creative power and I speak positive things over my life. I speak scripture and I really believe in what I am saying. I am determined to be and over-comer. I may not always like how things are going in my life but I will yet praise Him and continue to believe that things are getting better every day. I know that this life is so temporary compared to eternity and I want to be everything God gave me the opportunity to be while I was here on the Earth.